Observing how upset my son was, I slowed down. I connected with myself. I listened to him and I helped him listen to himself. After some inner reflection, Kyle decided he did not want to go to chorus. I agreed with his decision. Then he said “I’m not sure if I was listening to my head or my heart. How can I tell?” I told him that if he felt good inside that the decision was probably coming from his heart. He paused and then said “Let’s go.” We were a few minutes late but that “Compassionate Communication moment” deepened our relationship, both with one another and ourselves. It provided each of us with a lesson that will last a lifetime.

Compassionate Communication has been called the “language of life”. It is a language that translates to both intrapersonal and interpersonal levels and extends to global issues. Most of us at some point have contributed to the present day climate of polarization, divisiveness, “red/blue”, “us and them”... People are angry with one another, some shouting, others are just turning away, silently alienated. Sometimes our communication is habitual and the linguistic violence is perhaps unintentional or even, perhaps, seemingly innocuous. However, these words have the effect of hurting, undermining and separating us in numerous ways from ourselves, loved ones, associates and those we consider “opposition”.

 

Based on the work of Marshall Rosenberg, PhD, founder of the Center for Nonviolent Communication(CNVC) and author of Nonviolent Communication, A Language of Life, Compassionate Communication’s purpose is to remind us of how we were meant to relate to one another and assist us in living in alignment with that consciousness. It utilizes a literacy of nonjudgmental observations, feelings and needs and a desire to give and receive from the heart. It is a simple and powerful process that when combined with the spirit of compassion transforms relationships and lives. Marshall Rosenberg has taken this work all over the world including Rwanda, the Middle East, Northern Ireland and Serbia. The work is applicable in a range of situations: intimate relationships, families, schools, organizations and institutions, counseling, diplomatic and business negotiations, disputes and conflicts of any nature. Marshall Rosenberg said “Our survival as a species depends on our ability to recognize that our well-being and the well-being of others is, in fact, one in the same. The problem is that we are taught behaviors that disconnect us from this natural awareness. It’s not that we have to learn how to be compassionate. It’s that we have to unlearn what we’ve been taught and get back to compassion” .